I guess I'm writing this to motivate myself. I must loose weight. I have to. It's no longer a goal to look better, but a goal to save my life. How did I get this bad? I can't really pinpoint it to one reason. I was always a chubby kid and slimmed down as a young teenager. My mom then passed away when I was 15 and food became my comfort. I'm 27 now and the pounds keep packing on since I was 15. I am now morbidly obese. God, how I hate that word! I wear a size 24/26 in clothing. I sometimes feel like I am in the wrong body. I never ever thought I would get this fat. I hate it. I'm embarrassed of it. It's not who I am. I am tired of half attempts at loosing weight where I loose 20-30lbs and then slowly gain it back plus some. I'm tired of having high blood pressure. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of not looking attractive. Everyone always tells me I "have a pretty face". Wow, that stings. I want to look attractive for my husband. He says he finds me attractive, but I can see how I look naked.
A year ago I lost my son during my pregnancy. The past year flew by and I am now finally healed enough to even care about myself again. I owe this to my daughter. I want to live for her. I don't want to die due to my weight. I'm only 27. I should be full of life and having fun. People constantly tell me that I am the strongest person they know. I am strong to have risen above my childhood, to have lived through my mom's death, to have lived through and held strong with my son's death, but why can't I figure this ONE aspect of my life out? Why is food so important to me? Why can't I be strong with this one thing? I'm tired of being a victim to this disease. I have to figure this out. I owe this to myself.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven Nathaniel!
Remembering my son, Nathaniel today. It's his first birthday in Heaven. A year ago today you were born into Heaven. My heart still aches, and my love for you will never cease. You will always be my baby boy. I will never forget you. I will not let others forget you. I love you Nathaniel Jack. Born 5.25.08 around 6am at home.
I can't imagine the celebrations in Heaven. If things like birthday are celebrated in Heaven, I pray that you are having the most wonderful time. I pray that Jesus tells you about me and your daddy and your sister Hannah. I hope to see you as soon as I get to Heaven and that you know I'm your mama. I can't wait to hold you and hear your voice! I want to hear every detail of your life in Heaven. We are so blessed that Heaven is for eternity. I'm waiting a long time to see you and know you and it helps to know I can love you for eternity in Heaven. I think of you every day. I miss you every day. I will never forget you. You will always be my baby boy. I will always be your momma.
I love you Nathaniel. Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven.
love,
mom
I can't imagine the celebrations in Heaven. If things like birthday are celebrated in Heaven, I pray that you are having the most wonderful time. I pray that Jesus tells you about me and your daddy and your sister Hannah. I hope to see you as soon as I get to Heaven and that you know I'm your mama. I can't wait to hold you and hear your voice! I want to hear every detail of your life in Heaven. We are so blessed that Heaven is for eternity. I'm waiting a long time to see you and know you and it helps to know I can love you for eternity in Heaven. I think of you every day. I miss you every day. I will never forget you. You will always be my baby boy. I will always be your momma.
I love you Nathaniel. Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven.
love,
mom
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Beware of this "Christian" book! Please read!!!
Beware of this book!
If you have children or grandchildren, work with children at church, or you
have neighborhood children whose parents you know, please take note of the
information below and pass it along to others. Schools are distributing this
book to children through the Scholastic Book Club.
The name of the book is Conversations with God.. James Dobson talked about
this book twice this week. It is devastating. Parents, churches and
Christian schools need to be aware of it. Please pass this information on to
church/e-mail addresses, Parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins,
friends.
Please pay special attention not only to what your kids watch on TV, in
movie theaters, on the internet, and the music they listen to, but also be
alert regarding the books they read.
Two particular books are, Conversations with God and Conversations with God
for Teens, written by Neale D. Walsch. They sound harmless enough by their
titles alone. The books have been on the New York Times best sellers list
for a number of weeks, and they make truth of the statement, "Don't judge a
book by its cover or title.."
The author purports to answer various questions asked by kids using the
"voice of God". However, the "answers" that he gives are not Bible-based and
go against the very infallible word of God. For instance (and I paraphrase),
when a girl asks the question "Why am I a lesbian?" His answer is that she
was 'born that way' because of genetics (just as you were born right-handed,
with brown eyes, etc.). Then he tells her to go out and "celebrate" her
differences
Another girls poses the question "I am living with my boyfriend. My parents say that I should marry him because I am living in sin. Should I marry him?"
His reply is, "Who are you sinning against? Not me, because you have done nothing wrong."
Another question asks about God's forgiveness of sin. His reply "I do not forgive anyone because there is nothing to forgive.. There is no such thing as right or wrong and that is what I have been trying to tell everyone, do not judge people.. People have chosen to judge one another and this is wrong, because the rule is "'judge not lest ye be judged."
Not only are these books the false doctrine of the devil, but in some instances quote (in error) the Word of God.
And the list goes on. These books (and others like it) are being sold to schoolchildren through (The Scholastic Book Club), and we need to be aware of what is being fed to our children.
Our children are under attack. So I pray that you be sober and vigilant about teaching your children the Word of God, and guarding their exposure to worldly mediums, because our adversary, the devil, roams about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). We know that lions usually hunt for the slowest, weakest and YOUNGEST of its prey.
Pass this on to every Believer you know. God bless! And, if you are in doubt, check out the books yourself.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Free Lettuce Wraps at PF Changs :)
Check out Free Lettuce Wraps at PF Chang's!
I want you to take a look at: Free Lettuce Wraps at PF Chang's!
Can't beat those lettuce wraps. My husband and I usually just share the wraps.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Amazing Breastmilk
A friend sent this to me from a LLL conference. I thought it was crazy interesting.
Lactogenesis II is triggered by the sudden drop in progesterone. Prolactin levels in Lactogenesis I are high and maintain those levels after Lactogenesis II has been triggered. Even though prolactin has to be high in Lactogenesis I, at about 6 months prolactin levels drop off and they are less important in later lactation. Instead the removal of milk is what is most important to maintain lactation.
They have found that half of lactating moms have 3 or more letdowns in a feeding. Also that is takes double the time to get the same amount pumping as it would to breastfeed. Breast anatomy has been redefined by ultrasound technology. There are no lactiferous sinuses unlike had been previously thought. The old model of breast anatomy was formed by pouring hot wax into the breast of cadavers. The hot wax had expanded the tissue at the entry, instead the alveoli is spread out everywhere even under the areola. Milk ducts are a complicated network that intertwine with each other.
Even women who experience no visible breast changes during pregnancy can breastfeed because what happens is that instead of building tissue that is added to breast volume, their tissues are replaced. For example, fatty tissue is turned into mammary tissue.
They have found that they can look at four key aspects of breast milk in mothers of preterm infants to calculate how much difficulty she will have in lactating. The four are levels of protein, lactose, sodium, and citrate. They used those four because they have the most significant differences in levels between colostrum and mature milk. They found in there study that 86% of women had compromised initiation of lactation. The more markers that came up(up to 4 for protein, lactose, sodium and citrate) the more abnormal lactation was and there was less milk.
They have also found that steriod shots used to mature the infant lungs may compromise lactation. In their study they found that women who gave birth within 3 days of receiving the shots had longterm difficulty with lactation. Women who gave birth 10 or more days after receiving them saw a boost in production. Women who gave birth within 4-9 days had problems until day 10 and then returned to normal lactation. Another cause may be that moms who deliver early haven't completed mammogenesis and therefore their breasts aren't completely prepared to lactate.
Funny factoid mentioned: 2/3 of babies are right breasted and 1/3 are left breasted. (kent j.c. et. al. pediatrics 2006)
It was shown that to drain the breast takes all day, this explains why milk volume is at its lowest in the evening and highest in the morning. The evening milk is higher in fats and living cells. Breast refill on average 25-30 ml per hour. Keep in mind this is just an average and differs from person to person.
This is how stress kills supply in technical terms. Cortisol(the stress hormone) kills oxytocin. Oxytocin aids in milk removal by triggering the milk ejection reflex(letdown). Removal of milk is directly related to supply. Therefore stress can kill supply.
The immune cells in breast milk, unlike the immune cells in our bodies, come activated so that they are ready to protect the baby from any bacteria/pathogens that may already be there. There are four: macrophages, neutrophils, lymphocytes, and lactocytes. Foremilk has less living cells and more dying cells, hindmilk is more fresh and higher in cells contents and more living cells. Leukocytes in breast milk can survive digestion by the infant and can be found in their feces. This is possible only until the infants gut matures somewhere around 6 months of age and this is how the infant has added protection from illness.
Women and baby pairs who breastfeed and have mothers organs used in a transplant with baby are found to be more compatible. They have a lower risk of organ rejection because their immune systems have a higher compatibility.
Of the stem cells in breast milk only 2% have taken on the lineage of mammary stem cells. They have found that breast milk has 200% more stem cells than bone marrow. In one drop of breast milk there are 800 uncommitted stem cells.
They said even though the evidence shown in the protection from breast milk seems marginal when collected together it is significant. The risk of obesity is 2% higher. This means that 2 in 100 formula fed infants will end up obese. When looking at necrotizing enterocolitis 3 in 253 of breastfed infants and 17 in 236 formula fed infants. Formula fed infants are 3x more at risk for respiratory illness, 3-7x for SIDS, and 6x more likely to develop lymphoma.
He also disclosed that the studies done trying to discount the effects of breast milk on IQ(7-8 points higher in b/f children) allowed up to 25% formula. Studies also show the longer you breastfeed the more significant the point improval.
Breast milk is best kept in the fridge to stop the growth of bacteria and also preserve as many live cells as possible. Freezing breast milk kills almost all the cells, even so this doesn't take away the benefits of the breast milk over formula. Of course the fresher the milk the better.
Studies have also shown the higher socioeconomic status of children's parents the higher the level of auto immune disease. This suggests that infants need exposure to pathogens to build a healthy immune system. Obviously, with the preterm infants there is a need to be more careful.
Dr. Mark Cregan said that there is no need to throw out the milk left in a bottle if not finished. Just make sure to clean/rinse off the nipple of the bottle or replace the nipple at the next feeding. After thawing the milk it needs to be used within 24 hours.
Lactogenesis II is triggered by the sudden drop in progesterone. Prolactin levels in Lactogenesis I are high and maintain those levels after Lactogenesis II has been triggered. Even though prolactin has to be high in Lactogenesis I, at about 6 months prolactin levels drop off and they are less important in later lactation. Instead the removal of milk is what is most important to maintain lactation.
They have found that half of lactating moms have 3 or more letdowns in a feeding. Also that is takes double the time to get the same amount pumping as it would to breastfeed. Breast anatomy has been redefined by ultrasound technology. There are no lactiferous sinuses unlike had been previously thought. The old model of breast anatomy was formed by pouring hot wax into the breast of cadavers. The hot wax had expanded the tissue at the entry, instead the alveoli is spread out everywhere even under the areola. Milk ducts are a complicated network that intertwine with each other.
Even women who experience no visible breast changes during pregnancy can breastfeed because what happens is that instead of building tissue that is added to breast volume, their tissues are replaced. For example, fatty tissue is turned into mammary tissue.
They have found that they can look at four key aspects of breast milk in mothers of preterm infants to calculate how much difficulty she will have in lactating. The four are levels of protein, lactose, sodium, and citrate. They used those four because they have the most significant differences in levels between colostrum and mature milk. They found in there study that 86% of women had compromised initiation of lactation. The more markers that came up(up to 4 for protein, lactose, sodium and citrate) the more abnormal lactation was and there was less milk.
They have also found that steriod shots used to mature the infant lungs may compromise lactation. In their study they found that women who gave birth within 3 days of receiving the shots had longterm difficulty with lactation. Women who gave birth 10 or more days after receiving them saw a boost in production. Women who gave birth within 4-9 days had problems until day 10 and then returned to normal lactation. Another cause may be that moms who deliver early haven't completed mammogenesis and therefore their breasts aren't completely prepared to lactate.
Funny factoid mentioned: 2/3 of babies are right breasted and 1/3 are left breasted. (kent j.c. et. al. pediatrics 2006)
It was shown that to drain the breast takes all day, this explains why milk volume is at its lowest in the evening and highest in the morning. The evening milk is higher in fats and living cells. Breast refill on average 25-30 ml per hour. Keep in mind this is just an average and differs from person to person.
This is how stress kills supply in technical terms. Cortisol(the stress hormone) kills oxytocin. Oxytocin aids in milk removal by triggering the milk ejection reflex(letdown). Removal of milk is directly related to supply. Therefore stress can kill supply.
The immune cells in breast milk, unlike the immune cells in our bodies, come activated so that they are ready to protect the baby from any bacteria/pathogens that may already be there. There are four: macrophages, neutrophils, lymphocytes, and lactocytes. Foremilk has less living cells and more dying cells, hindmilk is more fresh and higher in cells contents and more living cells. Leukocytes in breast milk can survive digestion by the infant and can be found in their feces. This is possible only until the infants gut matures somewhere around 6 months of age and this is how the infant has added protection from illness.
Women and baby pairs who breastfeed and have mothers organs used in a transplant with baby are found to be more compatible. They have a lower risk of organ rejection because their immune systems have a higher compatibility.
Of the stem cells in breast milk only 2% have taken on the lineage of mammary stem cells. They have found that breast milk has 200% more stem cells than bone marrow. In one drop of breast milk there are 800 uncommitted stem cells.
They said even though the evidence shown in the protection from breast milk seems marginal when collected together it is significant. The risk of obesity is 2% higher. This means that 2 in 100 formula fed infants will end up obese. When looking at necrotizing enterocolitis 3 in 253 of breastfed infants and 17 in 236 formula fed infants. Formula fed infants are 3x more at risk for respiratory illness, 3-7x for SIDS, and 6x more likely to develop lymphoma.
He also disclosed that the studies done trying to discount the effects of breast milk on IQ(7-8 points higher in b/f children) allowed up to 25% formula. Studies also show the longer you breastfeed the more significant the point improval.
Breast milk is best kept in the fridge to stop the growth of bacteria and also preserve as many live cells as possible. Freezing breast milk kills almost all the cells, even so this doesn't take away the benefits of the breast milk over formula. Of course the fresher the milk the better.
Studies have also shown the higher socioeconomic status of children's parents the higher the level of auto immune disease. This suggests that infants need exposure to pathogens to build a healthy immune system. Obviously, with the preterm infants there is a need to be more careful.
Dr. Mark Cregan said that there is no need to throw out the milk left in a bottle if not finished. Just make sure to clean/rinse off the nipple of the bottle or replace the nipple at the next feeding. After thawing the milk it needs to be used within 24 hours.
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